Commitment. Some people fall easily into being committed to their significant other, some are evasive and never truly feel comfortable to committing, and some just need more time to get there. I was scared that he would never commit to me. I was so shook that we might never get there. Was I not desirable enough to be committed to? That was the fear that seemed to run through my mind day and night. Commitment is a HUGE thing but, is it that huge when you seem to be into this person as much as he’s into you. Was I moving too fast? I’m an Aries and the lack of control bothered me to my core, I was helpless. I’m in control of everything but this. Was this Scorpio trying to take me out of my power? These few months have been amazing, no fights, no arguing, just great sex and even greater conversations. What was the issue? I wanted to be his so badly, that it almost seemed desperate at this point. At the same time, I didn’t have the courage to ask him why he wasn’t ready to be my boyfriend. Not only was I unsure on how to tell him my frustrations, I was also, so fucking terrified to hear his answer. Was he never going to be my boyfriend? Probably not. After about two days of playing ping pong in my head about what I should say, and rehearsals with my best friend….I was ready. Now, don’t judge me but, I texted him. I was straight to the point. Would I ever be yours? I immediately threw my phone across the fucking room and waited anxiously for it to light up. After what felt like hours, it finally lit up. He wasn’t not not wanting to commit, he was just taking his time. I let out a brief sigh of relief. He’s just taking things slow, and going with the flow. I just vowed to take things with the flow this year, and I couldn’t even do that with him. I had to let that Aries control freak mentality and allow myself to just be. I needed to just be free and let this be what this is going to be. I realized that I don’t need to be his boyfriend to know that he liked me a lot, and that I was the only person he was seeing. That was enough for me. I’m not sure that I’m completely ready to allow myself to give full control but I’m damn sure a lot closer to being free.
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